A guy over on BRO came up with this one... ATLBruin posted it down below like it was his own. It isn't...
Int. Pac-12 Offices - Day
Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott is in the middle of a tense interrogation of USC football coach Lane Kiffin. Lane's 97 year old father, Monte, naps peacefully in the corner.
Lane Kiffin: You want answers?
Larry Scott: I think I'm entitled.
LaneKiffin: You want answers?!
Larry Scott: I want the truth!
LaneKiffin: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has Spread Offenses! So that means footballs have to be deflated! Who's gonna do it? You? You, Pat Haden?! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for a rogue student manager and you curse Matt Barkley. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that swapping numbers against Colorado, while tragic, probably saved USC football. And banning Scott Wolf from practice, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves USC football. You don't want the truth, because deep down, in places you don't talk about at the Pac-12 Network which is still not available on DirectTV, you want me on that sideline! You need me on that sideline!
We use words like Conquest and Unfinished Business...we use these words as the backbone of a life spent finding news ways to skirt the rules. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of Pac-12 football TV ratings and a future of USC Sun Bowl appearances that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said "Fight On", and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you grab a visor and start calling plays. Either way, I don't give a damn or a laminated play card what you think you're entitled to!
Larry Scott: Did you order the deflated footballs?!
LaneKiffin: (quietly) I did the job USC hired me to do with only 75 scholarships.
Larry Scott: Did you order the deflated footballs?!?!