UCLA spring practice report.

By: Waldorf

Chip ran all the players into the ground, all while he was eating potato chips and doughnuts, watching from the deck of the new football facility.

Every single player puked during the 2-hour practice. One of the linemen had a cardiac arrest and was driven away in a meat wagon. Two players suffered ACL tears, not sure which players. After practice, 27 players quit the team.

Also after practice, Chip told three players they didn't pack the gear, and that they were cut. Two of them objected, and Chip murdered them with a machete. The third guy then left quietly, and in a hurry.

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