But when it comes to hiring coaches...

By: Waldorf

...USC usually shits the bed.  Why don't top-notch head coaches want to work at USC? 

USC got lucky with Pom Pom.  NOBODY could have predicted that he would turn out to be the coach he did.  It's the one thing that Iron Mike Garrett got right, but a broken clock is correct twice a day.  

Other than Carroll, you have to go back to Robofat I to really find a coach who knew his ass from a hole in the ground.  And wasn't he already on staff when he was hired?  Maybe not, but it doesn't matter, he did well in the late 70's at USC. 

Tollner was a dickhead.  Smith started out okay but then kinda sucked, but he looked the part.  Robofat II did win a Rose Bowl, but he was a shell of his former self.  Can't Hackett sucked cawk.  We already talked about Pom Pom, but Lame-O Kiffin, Six-Pack Sarkisian, and Gomer Pyle?  What the fuck?  Seriously, is THAT the best USC can do?  

Yeah, Gomer has had more success than any coach since Pom Pom left, but that won't last.  You'll see.  It's already pretty evident to anyone except the hopeless homers that he's reached his ceiling at USC, and he won't last long unless JT and Amon Ra Sungod bail his ass out the way Darnold did.  Could happen.  Probably won't. 

Why don't the highly sought-after, already-established, and proven winners want to coach at USC?  Why don't guys like Jimbo Fisher and Nick Saban and Urban Meyer and Chris Petersen, and even fat fucks like Chip Kelly ever seriously consider working at USC?  I thought everyone wanted to be trogans?  But I guess that's only inbreds from Western Kentucky.  

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