Last seen in Atlanta looking lost and dazed. May have been the victim of a violent assault. Dawg attack. Needs his medication. Reward offered. We want him home in Eugene where he can be hugged and consoled. Reward, no questions asked. Call
1-800-duckstookitintheasshard. Too many letters? Don’t worry about it.
Last seen knocking on the door of the Big Ten begging to be let in