An old-Bruin wildest poster goes to the doctor and says, ‘Doctor, I poop every morning at seven. What should I do?’. The doctor tells him not to worry, that most people would love to be that regular.
‘But wait’, the man says, ‘I wake up at 7:30….’
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How do you keep the Iowa cheerleaders from grazing on the gridiron field?
plant artificial grass.
HOW DO YOU GET A USC ALUMNI OFF YOUR PORCH ? Pay him for the pizza ! This is from the old hbo special about the Ohio st Mich rivalry.
A bruin is talking to his friend at the bar.
"When I get home, I'm going straight upstairs and tearing me wife's knickers off."
"Ooh," his friend says. "Feeling randy?"
"No," the man replies. "The elastic's killing me."
A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."
The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's been on every animal on the farm. The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer wakes up the next morning to find Randy laid out flat in the middle of the yard, buzzards circling overhead. The sad farmer shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself." Randy opens one eye, winks, and nods towards the sky, "Shhh, they're getting closer."
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Garrrrrgggluggugglh
A male and female whale are swimming along when they notice a whaling ship. The male whale says, “ fuck these guys, let’s swim under their boat and blow out our blow holes and flip their boat over. “ the female reluctantly goes along with the plan, they swim under the whaling boat, blow out their blowholes and flip the summabitch over. The guys in the boat jump and start swimming to shore. The enraged male whale says, “let’s go and swallow them up! “ the female stops swimming, puts a fin on her hip and says, “ look I went along with the blow job, but I’m not swallowing the seamen!” Sis Boom Bah, I will be here all week, try the veal And tip your waitress!
A guy tells his girlfriend, “ I think the milkman has shagged every chick in this building except one!”
his girl says, “ I bet it’s that snooty bitch in 23b”.
Three guys walk into a bar, one wearing an SC shirt, another an asu shirt , and the last guy wearing a UCLA shirt. The bar tender watches as they down their beverage and all three go in the bathroom together. After a few minutes, UCLA guy comes out and the bar tender says, “what were you guys doing in there? “ UCLA guy says “blowing bubbles” and walks away. ASU guy comes out and the bar tender says, “ whats going in there?” ASU mumbles ,”I was just blowing bubbles “. usc guy comes out and the bartender says, “let me guess, you were blowing bubbles?” USC guy says, “nope, I’m bubbles. “
A Bruin, a Trojanand a Sun Devil are sitting in a bar in San Diego. When the Bruin finishes his glass of Budweiser he throws it in the air, takes out his revolver and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces before saying, ‘we Bruins have so much money , we don’t drink from the same glass twice’.
The Sun Devil orders his wine spritzer sucks it down throws it in the air, steals the Bruin's revolver and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces. ‘In Tempe’, he says, ‘we have so much money we also don’t need to drink from the same glass twice’.
Not wanting to be left out, the local San Diego Trojan drinks his scotch steals the Bruin’s gun, shoots the Sun Devil and says, ‘In San Diego, we have so many Sun Devils, we don’t have to drink with the same one twice’
https://t24hs.com/11-jokes-only-germans-will-understand/
Hahaha, that’s funny right there, i don’t care who you are