The new coach is introduced, steps to the podium, and begins...
"Wow. What a whirlwind this last week has been. First, let me dispel any rumors. I was perfectly content at [Oregon/Texas/Ohio State/Alabama] and always expected to remain there until I retired or the administration decided I could no longer do the job. I had a solid, collaborative relationship with the AD, the administration, and the boosters. Jenny and I raised our four kids there and we have nothing but fond memories of [Eugene/Austin/Columbus/Tuscaloosa]. So the reason I left has nothing to do with anything negative about my former job. The reason is that when I looked at the total financial package Director Jarmond offered and considered the fact that it would provide financial security not just for Jenny and me and our kids but also our grandkids, I just couldn't say no. So hello, Bruin Nation, you can call me Coach."