This is Susan Balstra and I’m here to set the record straight

I’m Susan Balstra and I’m here to say that Fraud could have banged me but he was always too busy playing grabass with the homos in the math club. I thought he was gay. Now BigBallss he was the man of my dreams. So handsome and just a fantastic athlete. Even in the 7th grade I could see that he was on his way to being a sexy man. The way he bounced his balls during recess, I still get chills. He was so dreamy. But I knew all along that he was too much man for one woman so I settled for Waldorf and moved to the frozen hell hole that is known as Minnesota. For God’s sakes it’s colder than a witches tit in Minnetonka. I still think of BigBallss and if he called I would leave Waldorf and run to him without giving it a second thought. Every time I see a Magnum Trojan condom commercial my heart skips a beat and I think of our meetings behind the cafeteria. So smart and so right about everything. Does he still talk about real estate and stocks? All the girls would just throw their panties at him when he walked to his locker in between classes.

But I know it can never be, it would be so selfish for any one woman to want him just for herself.

Please don’t let Waldorf know I posted here, he is consoling Sammy D after the thrashing our team took last night.